Wiktionary:Christmas Competition 2009
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Intro
This is to announce this year's Christmas competition, which is open to ALL contributors.
In keeping with Wiktionary tradition, this contest is completely unlike any previous competitions. Rather than a fast-paced dog-eat-dog mêlée like last year's event, the competition this year will depend on wit and cleverness of each individual.
Whose daft idea was this?
I blame British comedienne Catherine Tate, who introduced me to the mechanics of game play via the wonders of DVD commentary. She blames temporary assistant director Paul Bennett for setting her and countless others onto the game.
How it works
Each entry consists of a short conversation ending in a punchline. This is more easily explained by examples (these are Catherine Tate's):
Example 1:
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a Little Red Riding Hood impersonator.
- How's it going?
- It keeps the wolf from the door.
Example 2:
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I've made a new teleport system.
- How's it going?
- It's touch-and-go.
Competition rules
Use the template {{Xmas-2009}} (with subst: please) to add an entry to the top of the Entries section below. The template requires three parameters:
- {{{1}}} the description of your new business
- {{{2}}} the punchline
- {{{3}}} the point value for the entry
You will need to include your own punctuation for lines {{{1}}} and {{{2}}}. However, you will not need to sign your entry; the template will do that for you.
The punchline should be idiomatic and humorous. For the Christmas 2009 Competition, the punchline must include an idiomatic hyphenated word or a multi-word idiom or proverb. This word or idiom must have a well-formatted Wiktionary entry that is linked in the punchline. You may need to pipe the link
- (e.g. ])
for grammatical reasons to link to the idiom's lemma page.
Each idiomatic "word" may be used just once during competition. Once an entry has been submitted with a particular idiomatic expression, no one may use that particular expression for another entry. The idioms used in the Competition examples (above) also may not be used.
Entries need not use English for the business descriptions and punchline, but are accountable to the other rules and scoring limitations. All non-English entries in the competition require a parenthetical translation so that we'll all get the joke.
Scoring:
- +5 pts for each entry
- +10 pts if the page for the idiomatic expression in the punchline includes three (3) quotations satisfying WT:CFI policy
- +10 pts if the page for the idiomatic expression in the punchline was created after 30 Nov 2009 (23:59:59 UTC)
Please remember to calculate your entry's score and include it as parameter {{{3}}} when you submit.
Entries
24 February
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Je travaille au louchebem (I work at the butcher's)
- How's it going?
- Je gagne mon bifteck (I bring home the bacon...literally, I earn my beefsteak).
23rd December
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I work at a poultry farm, splitting my time between quality control and hiring and firing.
- How's it going?
- So-so. I spend a lot of time dealing with bad eggs.
- 15 pts. Pingku 14:49, 23 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I organise claques on Broadway, that I hire out to new shows.
- How's it going?
- Great! We're working like the clappers.
- 25 pts. Pingku 12:07, 23 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm training snipers for the military.
- How's it going?
- One of the current bunch is the best I've seen, by a long shot.
- 15 pts. Pingku 10:23, 23 December 2009 (UTC)
22nd December
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I've started raising goats.
- How's it going?
- All kidding aside, I have sufficient capital to double the size of the herd by this time next year.
- 15 pts. Pingku 17:14, 22 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I've taken over the Women's Clothing section of a department store.
- How's it going?
- I'm revamping the section to sell only those items that make the most profit. Soon it will be all fur coat and no knickers.
- 15 pts. Pingku 15:11, 22 December 2009 (UTC)
21st December
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm producing a hit TV series that involves attacking wild animals.
- How's it going?
- On reflection, I'm inclined to think that jumping the shark wasn't such a smart move.
- 15 pts. Pingku 18:43, 21 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm doing a stand-up comedy show using very old material.
- How's it going?
- I've been accused of plagiarism - and I acknowledge the corn.
- 15 pts. Pingku 15:41, 21 December 2009 (UTC)
19th December
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a porn star.
- How's it going?
- Not good. I totally suck cock.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I organise trips for gay men from the north of England.
- How's it going?
- Business is great. But my girlfriend complains that whenever she wants to talk, I'm away with the fairies.
- 15 pts. Pingku 19:04, 19 December 2009 (UTC)
18th December
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I help people settle their arguments.
- How's it going?
- It's simple. I seat them around a fireplace in a comfortable room, and provide drinks and whatever else will put them at ease. All I need do then is occasionally add fuel to the fire.
- 15 pts. Pingku 18:22, 18 December 2009 (UTC)
17th December
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm working with a sympathetic bunch of people who are looking for donors for organ transplants.
- How's it going?
- I'm beginning to have second thoughts about the extent to which they're after my own heart.
- 15 pts. Pingku 13:36, 17 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm helping develop plans to protect German cities from attack.
- How's it going?
- So far we've perfected the Nuremberg defense.
- 15 pts. Pingku 12:28, 17 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a human enema.
- How's it going?
- Terrible, if you think of everything they put me through.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I run clandestine farting competitions.
- How's it going?
- So far, so good. Luckily, nobody's got wind of it yet.
16th December
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I apply cosmetics to fish
- How's it going?
- Not great. The designs are all over the plaice
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make tight spandex clothing.
- How's it going?
- Good. But it was hard to get into.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make filters
- How's it going?
- Great. Nothing gets past us
- so far, 0 pts. Rising Sun talk? 21:07, 16 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I competitively rip body parts off people.
- How's it going?
- Great. I hope to pull a head soon.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a fisherman
- How's it going?
- Great. I pull in a lot.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a palmist
- How's it going?
- Well, on the one hand, it's been great so far, but on the other hand the outlook is bleak.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make stealth aircraft.
- How's it going?
- Not good. I'm afraid of dropping off the radar.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I write circular definitions for Wiktionary.
- How's it going?
- It's easy enough. I construct self-referential systems of descriptional statements, all the while studiously applying the dormitive principle.
- 15 pts. Pingku 17:09, 16 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I throw parties for children and entertain them with bubble-gum.
- How's it going?
- It blew up in my face.
- 15 pts. Pingku 15:01, 16 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I sell porno videos.
- How's it going?
- Just great. And before you ask, it's because you touch yourself at night.
- 15 pts. Pingku 13:46, 16 December 2009 (UTC)
15th December
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I travel round, reciting Hansel and Gretel.
- How's it going?
- same old story
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a taxidermist.
- How's it going?
- Not great. People tell be to get stuffed.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a taxidermist.
- How's it going?
- Not great. I always stuff up the job.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I grow plants, extract the chlorophyll, and make dye products.
- How's it going?
- Not great, but I have developed a green thumb.
- 15 pts. Pingku 17:09, 15 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a hardcore porn actress.
- How's it going?
- Not good. I bust my ass for nothing.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm the owner of a toy shop.
- How's it going?
- Badly. I think I've lost my marbles.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Je suis pom-pom girl
- How's it going?
- Pas bien. Je ne peux pas baisse les bras (not good. I can't lower my arms )
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I vandalise property.
- How's it going?
- Terribly, especially after my advisor told me to use my head if I want to avoid arrest. I had terrrible concussion.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I sell counterfit suncream.
- How's it going?
- Very badly. My customers have become red-faced
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I sell refrigerators to Eskimos.
- How's it going?
- Lousy. It was just a bad joke.
- 15 pts. Pingku 12:35, 15 December 2009 (UTC)
14th December
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I measure angry women's feet for lace-up shoes.
- How's it going?
- Easy. I measure the feet, my partner makes the shoes, and when the customer comes back, they're fit to be tied.
- 15 pts. Pingku 16:25, 14 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Ich bin Taxifahrer. (I am a taxi driver)
- How's it going?
- Eigentlich OK, aber auf der Autobahn bin ich immer auf 180). (Normally OK, but on the highway I'm always at 180
11th December
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make small doors and gates.
- How's it going?
- I can't see any way to make a profit. We're on a losing wicket.
- 25 pts. ALGRIF talk 17:02, 11 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I've developed the best thing ever in the history of mankind, because I'm so awesome and everyone loves me...I am, of course, the inventor of the self-administering enema.
- How's it going?
- Not great. People say I'm up my own ass
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I sell stuff to my neighbours
- How's it going?
- Great. It's just up my street
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a crop farmer
- How's it going?
- OK, but I have to plow on for ages.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I water gardens using my urine.
- How's it going?
- Great. I love pissing around
10th December
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I spy on people suffering from rhinotillexomania, using a not-very-clear telescope.
- How's it going?
- Not great. Some of them are hard to pick out
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm not sure. But there are a lot of tent-like things made of some kind of spaghetti or something, and I'm supposed to fix them to the ground or something or other.
- How's it going?
- Well, the work is hard to peg down
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I employ 100-year olds to hang up washing
- How's it going?
- Not great. The staff always peg out
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a part-time lightbulb (but not one of those fancy ones with a dimmer)
- How's it going?
- OK. I work on and off
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm the producer for Pimp my Amish Ride
- How's it going?
- Good. We paint the wagon
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make mittens for little children.
- How's it going?
- We're experiencing some difficulties. I have to handle everything with kid gloves.
9th December
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I repair clothes.
- How's it going?
- Not great, but I hope to patch things up soon.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make living room furniture.
- How's it going?
- sofa so good.
8th December
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Je suis prostituée pour les nains décédés (I'm a prostitute for dead midgets).
- How's it going?
- C'est plein de petite morts (it's full of little deaths )
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a butcher
- How's it going?
- Not good. I'm thinking of chucking in it
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I sell tardis-esque luggage.
- How's it going?
- OK at the moment. I can always pack it in if it gets difficult though.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Je vends des produits de bain (I sell bath products)
- How's it going?
- Je veux jeter l'éponge (I want to throw the sponge)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- J'organise des excursions en Bolivie. (I organise trips in Bolivia)
- How's it going?
- ce n'est pas le Pérou (it's not Peru)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Je vends des fruits, et j'en suis super (I sell fruits, and I'm great at it)
- How's it going?
- Bien. Mais on dit que J'ai le melon (well, but I'm told that I have the melon)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I mine using wireless technology
- How's it going?
- It's ground-breaking stuff.
7th December
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Я лесничий. (I am a forester).
- How's it going?
- Плохо. Я в трёх соснах заблудился. (Bad. I got lost in three pines)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a transplant surgeon.
- How's it going?
- Actually, I think I'll get out of it. I'm having a change of heart.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 18:19, 7 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a consultant, helping companies decide whether their plans are good. But I always wind up agreeing with them, grudgingly.
- How's it going?
- Very well.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 18:18, 7 December 2009 (UTC)
6th December
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Soy un agente de viaje. (I am a travel agent.)
- How's it going?
- Conmigo, saliste de Guatemala y te metiste en Guatapeor. (With me, you left Guatemala and ended up in Guatepeor. It is a play on the word Guatemala which can be translated as Guate-bad and therefore Guate-peor is Guate-worse.)
- 15 pts. L☺g☺maniac ☃ 02:24, 6 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Manejo un elevador de granos. (I manage a grain elevator.)
- How's it going?
- Ven a ver alrededor de este lugar conmigo. Véase allí: eso es harina de otro costal. (Come look around this place with me. See here: that is wheat from a different sack.)
- 25 pts. L☺g☺maniac ☃ 01:54, 6 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm maintaining a bat colony.
- How's it going?
- The bats are rolling along: the economic downturn doesn't make them bat an eyelid.
- 15 pts. AugPi 01:34, 6 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I slice meats in the local deli.
- How's it going?
- I think I'll have to find a new job. I just can't cut it.
4th December
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I've converted an abandoned military firing range into a parkour course.
- How's it going?
- My venture is jumping the gun.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I keep going back in time to prehistoric days to teach them how to do basic stuff that we all take for granted.
- How's it going?
- Not so well: I keep having to reinvent the wheel.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 20:33, 4 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I build intercity freeways.
- How's it going?
- Not well at all. As they say; it's a long road that has no earning.
- 15 pts. ALGRIF talk 13:07, 4 December 2009 (UTC)
3rd December
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Hago huevos de Pascua. (I make Easter eggs.)
- How's it going?
- Ahora estoy haciendo los huevos estrellados. (Right now I am making starred eggs.)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Soy una cocinera. (I'm a cook.)
- How's it going?
- Meto mi cuchara todo el día. (I put in my spoon all day.)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a jeweler
- How's it going?
- I strike gold daily!
- 25 pts. Conrad.Irwin 15:54, 3 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm converting disused monasteries and other assorted religious buildings into rodent farms.
- How's it going?
- Not at all well, I'm afraid. I'm as poor as a church mouse.
- 15 pts. ALGRIF talk 15:43, 3 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Ich bin im Orchester. (I am in an orchestra)
- How's it going?
- Ich spiele die zweite Geige. (I play the second violin)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- 训练狗的学校 ("Dog training school.")
- How's it going?
- 狗改不了吃屎 ("You can't stop a dog eating its own shit.")
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm teaching winter sports to the denizens of the stygian depths.
- How's it going?
- Actually, I don't think I've got a snowball's chance in hell.
2nd December
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm at the National Spelling Bee.
- How's it going?
- I forgot to take a drink before I got onstage, so this round my word might be a dry spell.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I work as a temp, carrying pollen from flower to flower.
- How's it going?
- Oh, I'm just spelling bees.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 22:46, 2 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a novelist.
- How's it going?
- A good beginning makes a good ending.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 22:29, 2 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm Mick Jagger
- How's it going?
- Well, a rolling stone gathers no moss.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Jeg kutter løk (I cut onions)
- How's it going?
- Det går så det griner (It goes well, literally “it goes in such a way that there's weeping”)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I give tramps the chance to pretend to be professional washer-uppers, wearing smart clothes.
- How's it going?
- OK. They scrub up well.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I have installed a series of woody biological structures to use photosynthesis to convert sunlight directly into currency.
- How's it going?
- Useless. It seems that money doesn't grow on trees.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make flash swimming pools inside shops.
- How's it going?
- Not great, but we're making waves in the market
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I apply cosmetics to a vehicle at the same time as driving it.
- How's it going?
- Not great. I've never done this before, so I'm making it up as I go along
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I dry grass. At least, I will be until summer is over
- How's it going?
- Great. You know what they say: make hay while the sun shines
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I train Olympic divers.
- How's it going?
- It's making a splash
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I organise naked bathing holidays
- How's it going?
- Great. It's a lucky dip
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Well, I've designed this new MMORPG, where you have to squirt other players with piss.
- How's it going?
- Great. It's very popular. One must look out for number one
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I design parks.
- How's it going?
- It's swings and roundabouts really.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I've bought a bakery.
- How's it going?
- Great. The products are selling like hot cakes
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I've made an improved version of Monopoly.
- How's it going?
- I guess I'm taking a chance.
- 15 pts. ALGRIF talk 11:14, 2 December 2009 (UTC)
{{Xmas-2009 | I sell wind-propelled sleds. | It's been smooth sailing. | 15 }} Never mind this one, I now see that Conrad used "plain sailing" below, which seems to be the British version of the same idiom. —RuakhTALK 05:23, 2 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I drive people to Man.
- How's it going?
- Well, I've learned something. I now know Man is an island.
- 15 pts. —RuakhTALK 05:18, 2 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make headgear out of pleather.
- How's it going?
- Perfect: it's all hat and no cattle.
- 15 pts. —RuakhTALK 05:18, 2 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I build hovercraft.
- How's it going?
- I can't seem to get it off the ground.
- 15 pts. —RuakhTALK 05:18, 2 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I sell guns to statues, for self-defense against pigeons.
- How's it going?
- It's a crap-shoot.
- 15 pts. —RuakhTALK 05:18, 2 December 2009 (UTC)
1st December
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Díolaim uachtar agus deánann mo chomharsan an céanna (I sell cream and my neighbour does the same)
- How's it going?
- Go maith, bíonn an lámh in uachtar agam go minic (Good, I often have the upper hand)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Pruebo bolas de las toallas. (I test balls of towels.)
- How's it going?
- Tiro la toalla todo el día. (I throw the towel all day.)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Fabricante de neumáticos. (I make tyres)
- How's it going?
- Va sobre ruedas.( It’s going on wheels)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm the curator of the Keystone Kops Museum.
- How's it going?
- People are falling over themselves to get in.
- 25 pts. —msh210℠ 18:38, 1 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make pillows shaped like clouds.
- How's it going?
- Every cloud has a silver lining.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Ich habe einen Butler angestellt. (I appointed a butler)
- How's it going?
- Er kann mir nicht das Wasser reichen. (He cannot hand me the water)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Ich bin Lokführer. (I am a train driver)
- How's it going?
- Ich verstehe nur Bahnhof. (I only understand train station)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I harvest and sell tree fruit.
- How's it going?
- I just cherry pick all day.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Todavía monto caballos. (I still ride horses.)
- How's it going?
- Pierdo a veces los estribos, también. (Sometimes I lose the stirrups, also.)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Ich halte Kühe (I keep cows.)
- How's it going?
- Gut, sie stehen auf der Weide und beißen ins Gras (Good, they stand on the pasture and bite the grass).
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Estoy aprendiendo los lenguajes de los pájaros. (I am learning the languages of the birds.)
- How's it going?
- Puedo ahora hablar como un papagayo. (Now I can talk like a parrot.)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Monto caballos. (I ride horses.)
- How's it going?
- Olvido a veces las rienda y tengo que traer el caballo por los pelos. (I forget the reins sometimes and I have to bring the horse by the hair.)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Ich führe Wanderungen. (I lead hiking tours)
- How's it going?
- Sie gehen den Bach runter. (They go down the stream)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm selling my houseboat
- How's it going?
- Not great, but I won't be able to live on it.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I clean the house in Hansel and Gretel.
- How's it going?
- I can live off it.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a door-to-door magic-book seller.
- How's it going?
- Great. I know every trick in the book
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I sit on the railway and fix the tracks.
- How's it going?
- Not great. The railwaymen refuse to block off the tracks, so I put my ass on the line to make money.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I've got a cut-price antique shop
- How's it going?
- Great. We accept any old thing
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm teaching slow-witted mythical fire-breathing creatures to become cross-dressing entertainers
- How's it going?
- Not great. Sometimes the lessons really dragon
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm not sure. My brother (who is also from Warsaw, but lives far away from me) and I are still deciding what to do with it.
- How's it going?
- Not great. You could say we're Poles apart with respect to its future.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make roller coasters.
- How's it going?
- It has it's ups and downs.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Alimento animales hambrientos. (I feed hungry animals.)
- How's it going?
- Cuatro gatos vienen cada mañana. (Four cats come every morning.)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Reparo puertas. (I repair doors.)
- How's it going?
- Saco desperdicios de quicio. (I remove junk from the door jamb.)
- {{{3}}} pts. L☺g☺maniac chat? 00:14, 1 December 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I sell hard candy by the piece, cheap.
- How's it going?
- Not terrible, if you get my drift.... Ah, the penny drops.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 00:01, 1 December 2009 (UTC)
30th November
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Todavía estoy aprendiendo chino. (I'm still learning Chinese.)
- How's it going?
- Esto es chino para mí. (This is Chinese for me.)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I send euthanatized animals to the grinder.
- How's it going?
- It's a dog-eat-dog industry.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 23:47, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Estoy aprendiendo chino. (I'm learning Chinese.)
- How's it going?
- Es todo el trabajo de chinos. (It's all Chinese work.)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a tee-ball coach.
- How's it going?
- The players and I have hit it off.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 23:43, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Conduzco los entierros para los clérigos. (I conduct funerals for clergymen.)
- How's it going?
- Consigo solamente llamado cada muerte de obispo. (I only get called each death of a bishop.)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I tug ships through the Strait of Messina.
- How's it going?
- It's like sailing between Scylla and Charybdis.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 23:39, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I sew at night.
- How's it going?
- It's never too late to mend.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 23:33, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I manufacture flatulence.
- How's it going?
- It's an ill wind that blows nobody any good.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 23:31, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm to develop a plan for South Africa to take over Lesotho.
- How's it going?
- I'm in a state about it.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 23:19, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Soy Simón Pedro y estoy decidiendo qué animales a dejar en cielo. (I am Saint Peter and I am deciding which animals to let into heaven.)
- How's it going?
- Estoy pensando en la inmortalidad del cangrejo. (I am thinking about the immortality of the crab.)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a stenographer.
- How's it going?
- As they say, that's all she wrote.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 22:56, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Pego las hojas a los colchones. (I glue the sheets to the mattresses.)
- How's it going?
- Cualquier persona que duerme allí habrán pegado a uno las sábanas. (Any person who sleeps there will have been glued to the blankets.)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a pilot.
- How's it going?
- I have to be up with the larks.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 21:18, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a chiropractor.
- How's it going?
- I'll be glad to see the back of it.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 21:06, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Equipo ganado con las alas. (I outfit cattle with wings.)
- How's it going?
- Es el día que las vacas vuelen. (It is the day the cows fly.)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm an archaeologist in Egypt.
- How's it going?
- Everything's base over apex.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 21:05, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Soy Dios en Génesis. (I am God in Genesis.)
- How's it going?
- Estoy moviendo cielo y tierra. (I am moving heaven and earth.)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I genetically modify cells.
- How's it going?
- I seem to be all thumbs.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 20:50, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Soy leche. (I am milk.)
- How's it going?
- Soy ni chicha ni limonada. (I am neither chicha nor lemonade.)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- אני אופה. (I'm a baker.)
- How's it going?
- כמעט הגעתי עד פת לחם. (I've almost reached a serving of bread.)
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 20:43, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I spill laundry detergent on washboards.
- How's it going?
- It's All over the board.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 20:37, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I own a baseball team.
- How's it going?
- I'm a head of the game.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 20:34, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I opened a new department store.
- How's it going?
- Macy's didn't tell Gimbel's and I sure can't tell you!
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm an alchemist.
- How's it going?
- I seem to have the Midas touch.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 20:32, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make fortune cookies.
- How's it going?
- Really not sure... that's a riddle wrapped up in an enigma.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 20:30, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I log weather extremes.
- How's it going?
- I haven't the foggiest.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 20:27, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I ring the bell at the start of boxing matches.
- How's it going?
- Oh, I just bang a bout.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 20:18, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I stitch up jackets and blankets.
- How's it going?
- It's about to close down.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 20:16, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make the sun go backward right after sunset, and rise again.
- How's it going?
- I break even.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 20:15, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a midwife.
- How's it going?
- They bear with me.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 20:13, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make airborne clouds of lipid droplets.
- How's it going?
- New customers are coming in like greased lightning.
- 5 pts. —msh210℠ 20:06, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Je vends des pyjamas. (I sell pyjamas)
- How's it going?
- Les gens adorent les bonnets de nuit. (People adore nightcaps)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make string instruments from scrap materials.
- How's it going?
- All I do is fiddle with stuff.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I provide quality assurance for Thomas Crapper & Co. Ltd.
- How's it going?
- Not much to say, just a bog-standard appointment.
- 15 pts. Conrad.Irwin 17:00, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm David the shepherd boy.
- How's it going?
- I don't know ... you could say all I do sometimes is sit on the fence.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I sell invisible mini-countries.
- How's it going?
- Great for me but many of my clients are bogged down in invisible imports.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Making featureless yachts
- How's it going?
- Now we've got the prototypes done, it's just plain sailing.
- 15 pts. Conrad.Irwin 13:52, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I judge weekly news periodicals and assign them scores according to a set of value criteria.
- How's it going?
- I'm just marking Time, to be honest.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I've opened an abattoir.
- How's it going?
- We're making a killing.
- 15 pts. ALGRIF talk 13:32, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make space colonies on Jupiter, while others only make them on Mars
- How's it going?
- Fantastic! Me and the competition are worlds apart
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I have a restaurant which sells food that expands after being eaten
- How's it going?
- Great. My clients are always full to the brim after a visit
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm selling access to a supercomputer containing the sum of all human knowledge.
- How's it going?
- Pretty well, all things considered.
29th November
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a baker.
- How's it going?
- Sometimes things get really mixed up
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I work in a recycling plant.
- How's it going?
- Sometimes our batteries are given out free of charge.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a carpenter's apprentice
- How's it going?
- God awful...people are constantly calling on the carpet
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm running a dog kennel.
- How's it going?
- Not too good: it's going to the dogs.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a professor at UC Davis.
- How's it going?
- The lectures are straight from the horse's mouth.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make calculators
- How's it going?
- Great. You can really count on the products
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Я работаю в орнитологическом институте (I work in the ornithological institute.)
- How's it going?
- Весь день я галок считаю. (All the day long I count jackdaws.)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Je fais les greffes de mains. (I do hand transplants.)
- How's it going?
- Pas mal. J'ai acheté l'entreprise de quelqu'un, qui venait de l'acheter de quelqu'un d'autre. On dirait que l'entreprise change souvent de main (Not bad. I bought the business of off someone, who'd just bought it from another. You could say it often changes hand.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I do hand transplants
- How's it going?
- Not bad. I bought the business of off someone, who'd just bought it from another. You could say it often change hand.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Je fabrique des canots truffés de trous (I make hole-ridden boats)
- How's it going?
- Pas bon. Il prend l'eau (Not great, it's taking in water)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm an unsuccessful dentist.
- How's it going?
- I'm living hand-to-mouth.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I am Mervyn King, the Governor of the Bank of England.
- How's it going?
- It's a licence to print money.
- 15 pts. Ƿidsiþ 18:42, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Je vend des deltaplanes. (I sell hang gliders)
- How's it going?
- Pas bon. Elle bat de l'aile (not great, it's flapping a wing)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I organise parties for schoolkids
- How's it going?
- Great. It's child's play
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- J'organise des fêtes pour des écoliers (I organise parties for schoolchildren)
- How's it going?
- Super. C'est vraiment un jeu d'enfant (it's child's play)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Je fait cuire des tartes à pruneaux (I make prune pies)
- How's it going?
- Pas bon. Les tartes me font chier (Not great. They make me shit)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Je fabrique des divans en pâtes (I make pasta sofas)
- How's it going?
- Super. On pourrait dire que si on en achetait, on aurait le cul bordé de nouilles (Great. You could say that if you bought one, you'd have your ass framed with noodles
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- je fabrique des calculatrices (I make calculators)
- How's it going?
- Super. On peut compter sur le produit (you can count on the product)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- Building tea-cup rides.
- How's it going?
- Super. Je suis dans mon assiette (I'm in my plate)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- transmogrifying humans into farm animals
- How's it going?
- pas bon, les clients deviennent chèvre (not great, the clients are becoming goats)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I've opened a pig farm.
- How's it going?
- It brings home the bacon.
- 15 pts. ALGRIF talk 17:37, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I sell chewing tobacco.
- How's it going?
- Great. I reckon I'll be quids in.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- It's an alternative underground transport system.
- How's it going?
- Not very well. In fact it's going down the tubes.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I signed up for a deep-sea-diving class.
- How's it going?
- I'm in over my head.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a lumberjack.
- How's it going?
- I've sure got my work cut out for me.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I developed a car that runs on urine
- How's it going?
- Dreadful. People keep taking the piss!
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm an accountant in a very prestigious company.
- How's it going?
- We're bankrupt, by all accounts
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make English and American football teams meet
- How's it going?
- It turns out to be on a different ballpark
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I own 2 soccer teams but all my players have been arrested in the corruption scandal.
- How's it going?
- It was a Catch-22.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm Albert Einstein and they found out my wife wrote all my theories.
- How's it going?
- It was about time.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make buoyancy aids.
- How's it going?
- It keeps my head above the water.
- 15 pts. Conrad.Irwin 10:38, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm a gardener for a wealthy patron.
- How's it going?
- I'm raking it in.
- 25 pts. Ƿidsiþ 10:34, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm the president of the British Sign Language Association.
- How's it going?
- I'm making money hand over fist.
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make inflatible chess-sets
- How's it going?
- Just swell thanks — as the actress said to the bishop
- 15 pts. Conrad.Irwin 10:13, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm supervising the building of a second Channel Tunnel. We've got one team drilling from the French side, and another team drilling from the English side.
- How's it going?
- I'm making ends meet.
-
150 pts. (SB just beat me to it.) Ƿidsiþ 10:09, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
-
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I make long rulers for school teachers.
- How's it going?
- Well across the board
- 15 pts. Conrad.Irwin 09:35, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I've invented the RoboWaiter3000, an android who will make all restaurant serving staff obsolete.
- How's it going?
- It puts food on the table.
- 25 pts. Ƿidsiþ 09:27, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I've invented a new automatic coupling device
- How's it going?
- It makes ends meet
- I've got a new business.
- What's your business?
- I'm writing a freely-licensed collaborative dictionary.
- How's it going?
- It's true what they say: a camel is a horse designed by a committee.
- 15 pts. Dominic·t 10:45, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
Results
- The contest closes at the end of 25 December (23:59:59 UTC). The results will be posted after the close of the contest.
- User:Rising Sun is the winner. I'm going to make the next competition. I've got an idea already. --Rising Sun talk? 23:46, 4 February 2010 (UTC)
- User:Pingku is the runner-up
- I assume I'm the winner of this. Unless, of course, my puns don't stand up to EP's standards. --Rising Sun talk? 10:04, 29 December 2009 (UTC)
- Doubtless we have both been disqualified on the basis of atrocities rendered to the English language. I plead the fifth. Pingku 19:04, 29 December 2009 (UTC)
- Atrocities? Humph! The Dec 10 puns I made are among the wittiest word plays ever made - clear, snappy, ingenious. I guess, however, there is no prize anyway. But I've had an idea of an Easter competition. I'll put it past EP. If I win, and I must write the next competition, anyway. ANyway, there;ll be lots of fun quotes and new definitions to be added in any case. --Rising Sun talk? 09:58, 30 December 2009 (UTC)
Talk
- You may argue about the rules here (and nowhere else please). --EncycloPetey 06:51, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
If we add cites for a previously uncited term, can we claim the 10pts that the original author didn't by using the expression in a new joke? Conrad.Irwin 10:28, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- No, the points for citations only count toward the score of the person who submitted the idiom is his/her punchline. You may still freely add citations in the spirit of the season, of course. --EncycloPetey 15:34, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
Is there a limit to the number of entries per day per person? 50 Xylophone Players talk 15:58, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- Nope. None at all. Part of the Christmas Competition tradition is to encourage Wiktionary growth. The way things are looking on this first day, we may even have to use subheaders by date. :) --EncycloPetey 16:01, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- Heh, ok ^_^ 50 Xylophone Players talk 16:05, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- And subpages? Please? This page is getting long and tough to load for those of us on slow computers. L☺g☺maniac chat? 20:40, 4 December 2009 (UTC)
- That was the plan, yes, if the page grew long (and it has). --EncycloPetey 03:06, 5 December 2009 (UTC)
- And subpages? Please? This page is getting long and tough to load for those of us on slow computers. L☺g☺maniac chat? 20:40, 4 December 2009 (UTC)
- We had limitations last year only because of the way play proceded off the submissions of other participants. Since entries this year are self-contained, no daily limit to participation is imposed this time around. --EncycloPetey 16:17, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- Why not use the actual talk page? Mglovesfun (talk) 18:15, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- This area is for arguing about the rules, not talking! --Rising Sun 18:30, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- Why not use the actual talk page? Mglovesfun (talk) 18:15, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- Heh, ok ^_^ 50 Xylophone Players talk 16:05, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- Why does the entry have to be created after the 30th to get the extra 10 pts? Ƿidsiþ 18:46, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- Ah yeah, that sucks. I'll leave some red links in today's entries. --Rising Sun 18:50, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- So let's nobody create the red-linked pages, OK. Or I'll delete them. --Rising Sun 19:00, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- D'accord, but why one link is changes hand, when change hands is extant? Are you planning to create it after 30th November? In this case, I could have procrastinated the creation of считать галок as well... Alas, to what avail is this rule about the idiom being created after 30th November? The uſer hight Bogorm converſation 19:25, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- The idea was to allow some lower point early creations to get things rolling, then to have additional point possibilities open up once we're actually in December. I have in mind the possible addition of further point-scoring rules (not retroactive) as the competition progresses, just to keep things interesting. No, don't suggest things. I've already got a full set of ideas to use, if that should come to pass. --EncycloPetey 19:53, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- Maybe a rule about getting points for translating the joke into as many languages as possible. And no, I'm not suggesting things as such. --Rising Sun 20:47, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- Not having realized the date wasn't past, I did the full work to create an entry for the extra 10. I see I'm not alone. Things are already rolling, I'd say. Would it not make sense to allow people to start getting these points? —Leftmostcat 02:16, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- The idea was to allow some lower point early creations to get things rolling, then to have additional point possibilities open up once we're actually in December. I have in mind the possible addition of further point-scoring rules (not retroactive) as the competition progresses, just to keep things interesting. No, don't suggest things. I've already got a full set of ideas to use, if that should come to pass. --EncycloPetey 19:53, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- D'accord, but why one link is changes hand, when change hands is extant? Are you planning to create it after 30th November? In this case, I could have procrastinated the creation of считать галок as well... Alas, to what avail is this rule about the idiom being created after 30th November? The uſer hight Bogorm converſation 19:25, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- So let's nobody create the red-linked pages, OK. Or I'll delete them. --Rising Sun 19:00, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
- Ah yeah, that sucks. I'll leave some red links in today's entries. --Rising Sun 18:50, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
Y'know, this certainly reminded me of an email that we got quite a while ago. Found it online here. I promise not to use any of these :) L☺g☺maniac chat? 22:15, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
Don't the entries have to exist before they are used here? (cough) Rising Sun (cough)? Conrad.Irwin 02:11, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- In time, young Conrad, the page will be full to the brim (ooh, I could use that) of many of my newly-created blue links. --Rising Sun 10:54, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- Hrm, so that means that if I cite an entry on this page already, the author of the joke gets more points? Doesn't sound very fair. Conrad.Irwin 14:16, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- Are bots allowed to play this? I'm retraining mine to a) come up with punny jokes and b) if that proves too difficult, to post my jokes. --Rising Sun 10:57, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I would be inclined to call that foul play ;-) 50 Xylophone Players talk 13:57, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- Sure, go for it - but I think we should disqaulify those for which there is no humour (there's only one above I don't see the joke, "quids in"?) Conrad.Irwin 14:16, 30 November 2009 (UTC)
- I suck. Can someone please fix my script? It's the Chinese one about dogs eating shit. Sigh. Tooironic 11:00, 3 December 2009 (UTC)